Laurie: Last year on my birthday my seventeen-year-old nephew killed himself. I’m sure he really didn’t consider that he would be altering my birthday for the rest of my life, but of course that’s what happened. And even worse, his step-mother was born on the same day as I was. Finding a card for this occasion is going to be damn near impossible. No one has a clue what was in the head of this handsome, popular, getting-ready-for-college, Soccer superstar with two girlfriends. And try as I might, I can’t find any redeeming lessons from this one. Just sadness that will always linger and a multitude of lives that changed forever on that day.
elizabeth: Scientists say that when people decide to end their lives that a part of the brain shuts down and another part takes over. I believe that. Because if people knew how their untimely and violent deaths would impact the lives of others, they would be horrified that they ever consider suicide as an option. The only way I can deal with the people I loved that ended their own lives is the belief that the world was just too hard for them — that they were too fragile a soul to stay any longer. It sounded like your nephew had everything to live for and that is what makes it seem all the more heartbreaking is that he would end a promising future. But we really don’t know what goes on in a person’s heart and soul. Our pain may be manageable. Theirs just wasn’t.
Laurie: I have a burning need to have things make sense. Surely there must be a lesson to be learned, a message of guidance, an omen, a warning, something. In my younger days I took solace in the fact that I was gleaning information and wisdom through unexplainable events that would eventually reveal itself. And as I get older, I realize that I have more questions than answers. I am almost resolved that this is the way it is but I still burn for explanations and a sense of order. I need to feel that all is right with the Universe. So I make peace with the unfathomable reality by assuring myself that when I die there will be a big answer board in the sky. I’ll send you a sign to let you know if I was right.
elizabeth: I think one answer is that we have no choice but to go on, forgive the person and try on the new normal. When people asked how I survived a near fatal car accident, when my friend was asked how she could survive the death of her 12 year old, and when my friend’s partner died of AIDS and was asked how can he go on — our answer was simply — what is the alternative?
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